Summer is supposed to be the good part. Longer days, no packed lunches, a break from the carpool grind. And yet, for a lot of the families Dr. Courtney works with at Integrated Behavioral Health in Denver, summer is actually one of the most stressful seasons for couples. The loss of routine, the camp logistics that feel like buying concert tickets, the kids who are home all day — it all adds up. And somewhere in the shuffle, the relationship takes a back seat.
In a recent episode of the Kids These Days podcast, Dr. Courtney sat down with Bozhena Evans, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and couples and sex therapist in the Denver and Wheat Ridge area, to talk about exactly this. What follows are some of the most useful things Bozhena shared — not as a to-do list, but as a set of gentle reminders for couples who are doing their best in a season that makes everything harder.
Why Summer Is Hard on Couples (And You’re Not Alone)
The school year gives families something most of us take for granted: structure. When Monday looks the same as Thursday, there’s a kind of autopilot that keeps the household running. Summer breaks that. Camps start at different times, pickups shift, schedules need renegotiating every week — and all of that coordination falls somewhere between the two of you.
Bozhena sees it in her practice every year. Couples come in a little more rattled, a little more short-fused, a little more disconnected. The mental load of managing summer logistics is real, and it tends to crowd out the kind of relaxed, connecting time that makes partnerships feel good. Recognizing that this is a season — that the friction you’re feeling is normal and temporary — is actually a helpful first step.
The Communication Habits That Make Things Worse
Here’s something Bozhena comes back to again and again in couples work: watch your language. Not in a politically correct sense, but in a practical one. Two patterns in particular tend to escalate tension fast.
The first is what she calls “shaming and blaming” — framing your needs as an indictment of your partner. Saying “you never help with pickups” is technically a sentence, but what it does neurologically is activate your partner’s defenses. They stop listening. The conversation goes sideways. Nobody gets what they actually need.
The second is absolute language. Always and never are rarely accurate, and they tend to land like a punch. When you’re frustrated and overwhelmed, it’s tempting to reach for them — but they make your partner feel attacked and cornered rather than called in.
The shift? Own your feelings instead. “I’m feeling overwhelmed” is not just a softer version of the same message — it’s actually a different message. Your partner can’t argue with a feeling. They can only respond to it. And usually, that response looks a lot more like “what do you need?” rather than defensiveness.
The Weekly Check-In That Doesn’t Feel Like a Business Meeting
One of the simplest things Bozhena recommends is a regular, low-stakes check-in — maybe after dinner, while the kids are in that post-meal wind-down zone. Not a formal sit-down. Just a few minutes: what’s on the calendar, who’s got what, and by the way — how are we doing?
The trick is not letting the logistics swallow everything. Bozhena suggests actively building in connection: mention a show you want to see together, or a walk you’d like to take. Ask your partner how you can support them this week, not just manage them. And appreciate out loud — even the things they do every single night. Telling someone “thank you for making dinner again, it was really good” never gets old, even if they’re the default cook.
Two Things You Can Do Tonight
If none of this feels accessible right now — if you’re in survival mode and the idea of a weekly check-in sounds laughable — Bozhena offered two practices that take almost no time and deliver a real return.
The first is the 20-to-40-second hug. When your partner comes home, or when you finally see each other after a long day, try actually stopping. Put the phone down. Hug them — a real, present, lingering hug. Research suggests this kind of sustained physical contact releases oxytocin and lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. You don’t have to be in a good mood. You don’t have to have resolved anything. You just have to show up for that one moment.
The second is something Bozhena calls soul gazing — and yes, she knows it sounds a little woo. Set a timer for two minutes. Sit together, look into each other’s eyes, and don’t break contact. That’s it. It’s remarkably intimate and surprisingly grounding, especially when everything else has felt fast-paced and logistical. Two minutes. Even with kids in the house.
On the Guilt of Taking Time for Yourself
This is the one that trips up almost every parent Bozhena works with. Taking a solo walk when the kids are home feels wrong. Asking your partner to take over when they just walked in from work feels like too much. Locking the bedroom door for twenty minutes feels — selfish?
Bozhena wants you to let that go. We are not one-dimensional. Being a parent is one part of who you are, and running it on empty doesn’t make you a better one. Research on burnout in professional settings is clear: you are not more productive by grinding all day. You need breaks. The same is true at home.
And here’s the reframe that Dr. Courtney found most useful: when you take care of your relationship — when you go for that walk, when you prioritize the date night, when you carve out a few minutes of couple time — you are actually modeling something for your kids. You are showing them that the two adults at the center of their world are also people who take care of each other. That is not a small thing to grow up watching.
As Bozhena put it: happy parents make happy kids. It is not a cliché. It is an argument for putting yourselves back on the list.
Resources & Links:
- Bozhena Evans, LCSW: link to her practice websiteÂ
- Instagram:Â @bozhenaevanstherapy