It’s 7:45 AM. The shoes are halfway on, the backpacks are zipped, and then you hear the phrase that every parent dreads: “Mommy, my tummy hurts.”
In that moment, our fear immediately kicks into high gear. We start scanning: Is it a virus? Did they eat something bad? Or is this about that math test today? It’s a stressful, confusing cycle—especially when medical tests come back “normal” but your child is still in real, physical pain.
In a recent episode of the Kids These Days podcast, I sat down with Dr. Cat Naclerio, a pediatric psychologist at the Digestive Health Institute at Children’s Hospital Colorado, to pull back the curtain on the “Group Chat” between the brain and the gut.
Here is the “Inside-Out” guide to understanding why your child’s nervous system might be causing their stomach pain—and how to help them find their way back to a life they love.
1. The "Group Chat" Metaphor
As Dr. Cat explained, the brain and the gut are essentially in a constant “group chat” (or Snapchat streak!). They are sending messages back and forth all day through the nervous system.
When your child feels stress or anxiety, their brain sends “high-alert” notifications straight down the GI tract. For some kids, the nerves in their gut are incredibly sensitive. When they receive those stress messages, they over-fire, causing real physical pain, bloating, or nausea.
The Takeaway: The pain is real, even if the tests are normal. Their gut is “showing its emotions” the only way it knows how.
2. The "Normal Test" Reframe
One of the most frustrating experiences for parents is when blood work, X-rays, and procedures all come back “normal.” It can feel like you aren’t being heard or that you’re being told “it’s all in their head.”
Dr. Cat offers a vital reframe: Normal tests are good news. It means the GI tract is healthy, it is absorbing nutrients, and it is physically capable of supporting your child’s growth. We simply don’t have medical tools yet that can “see” sensitive nerve endings over-firing.
3. Move from "Investigator" to "Secure Base"
When our kids are in pain, we often become “pain investigators.” We ask: “How is it now? Is it a 4 or a 6? Does it feel better after that medicine?”
While well-intentioned, these check-ins actually train your child’s brain to become hypervigilant. They start scanning their body for every tiny sensation, which makes the pain feel louder.
The Inside-Out Shift: Stop the check-ins. Tell your child: “I’m not going to ask about your pain anymore, not because I don’t care, but because I want to give your brain a break from focusing on it. You can tell me if it feels worse or different, but otherwise, we are going to focus on our day.”
By stepping out of the investigator role, you become a Secure Base—an anchor that remains steady even when their “gut emotions” are loud.
4. Life First, Pain Second
It is tempting to keep a child home until they are 100% pain-free. However, avoidance is the primary fuel for both anxiety and functional pain. When a child stays home, they miss school, fall behind on work, and lose social connection—all of which creates more stress, which then triggers more pain.
The Strategy: Anything is better than nothing.
Can they go for just the lunch hour?
Can they go to the counselor’s office to pick up one assignment?
Returning to routine is a clinical necessity for regulation. Predictability tells the nervous system: “I am safe right now,” which allows the “Smart Brain” (Prefrontal Cortex) to come back online and quiet those gut alerts.
5. The "Best Bang for Your Buck" Tool: Bear Breathing
If we want to move from “Fight or Flight” (Sympathetic Nervous System) to “Rest and Digest” (Parasympathetic), we have to engage the diaphragm.
Dr. Cat recommends Bear Breathing:
Have your child lay on the floor.
Place a favorite stuffed animal on their belly.
Tell them to take the bear on a “rollercoaster ride”—watching it rise as they breathe in through their nose and fall as they breathe out.
Pro-Tip: Practice this when they are CALM. It’s a skill, not a quick fix. You wouldn’t expect to play in the NBA without practicing your dribble; don’t expect a deep breath to stop a pain episode if you haven’t built that “muscle” during the quiet moments.
Resources & Next Steps
Healing the mind-gut connection isn’t about making the pain disappear instantly. It’s about helping your child move from a state of “Survival Brain” (where they are defined by their symptoms) back to being a Human Being (where they are capable of navigating discomfort).
- App Recommendation (Teens): Breathe2Relax for guided diaphragmatic breathing.
- App Recommendation (Kids): Sesame Street: Breathe, Think, Do for younger children.
- Newsletter: Sign up for the Kids These Days Newsletter.
- Work with Us: If you are seeking a consultation for your child’s GI-related anxiety, book a complimentary 15-minute call with Integrated Behavioral Health.
- Instagram: Follow @integratedbh for more “Inside-Out” parenting insights.