Over the years, I have worked at several children’s hospitals with parents who have children with a variety of chronic illnesses. Anywhere from asthma, diabetes, encopresis, to cancer, blood disorders, and cystic fibrosis. Across health conditions, parenting a child with a chronic health condition is a journey fraught with unique challenges. The constant worry, endless medical appointments, the emotional rollercoaster- it can take a toll on even the most well-adjusted parent. Having a child with an illness is an additional mental load on top of everything you’re already doing! Waking your child up for school is one thing, but waking your child up wondering if they are going to have a fever because they switched medications and then you’re going to have to call out from work and you’ll have to cancel a playdate for your other child… the spiral goes on. While we pour our hearts and souls into caring for our child’s physical and emotional needs, it’s easy to overlook our own mental and emotional well-being.
This is where EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can come into play as a valuable option for therapy.
Understanding the Impact:
Before we delve into how EMDR works, it’s important to acknowledge the invisible burdens parents of chronically ill children often carry:
- Trauma: Getting news of a diagnosis, witnessing your child suffer, navigating the medical system and often not feeling heard, handling medical emergencies, and facing the unknown can be deeply traumatic and stressful experiences.
- Anxiety: The constant vigilance of checking blood sugar, wondering what their PFTs will be at the next appointment, tracking whether they have had a bowel movement for the day, the fear of setbacks and fear of the future can all fuel chronic anxiety.
- Grief and Loss: Grieving the loss of the “healthy child” you envisioned, the life you thought your family would have, the way you imagined parenting would go, is a common experience.
- Guilt and Self-Blame: Parents often wrestle with feelings of guilt, questioning if they could have prevented their child’s condition. This can then intensify the anxiety when they want to try to control their child’s future and prevent anything worse from happening.
- Burnout: The relentless demands of caregiving can lead to emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion!
How EMDR Can Help:
EMDR is an evidence-based therapy approach that helps people heal from trauma and other distressing life experiences. EMDR can specifically benefit parents of children with chronic health conditions.
- Processing Trauma: EMDR helps reprocess traumatic memories, reducing their emotional intensity and allowing you to move forward. It doesn’t make the memories “go away” and it doesn’t make you “care less,” it lessens the emotional sting in our bodies. These memories could include specific medical procedures, diagnoses, or crisis situations.
- Managing Anxiety: By addressing the root causes of anxiety, EMDR can help you regulate your emotional responses and reduce feelings of overwhelm. For instance, it can help provide a little bit of space between receiving news from the doctor and the anxiety taking over your entire body.
- Coping with Grief and Loss: EMDR provides a safe space to process feelings of grief and loss, helping you find acceptance and meaning. Of course the grief and loss comes in waves and EMDR can help you handle those waves when they come.
- Reducing Guilt and Shame: EMDR can help challenge the negative thought patterns and beliefs about yourself as a parent. This allows you to lessen the self-blame and increase self-compassion.
- Building Resilience: By processing some of the most difficult memories, experiences, and emotions, EMDR can help you build resilience and strength.
Example of How EMDR Can Help Parenting:
Over the years, I have seen how when parents heal their own trauma, it often impacts their relationship with their child in a positive way. For instance, if your child has had chronic GI issues and they complain of a stomach ache, it may send your body into a state of fight-or-flight wondering if you’re going to have to do another clean out or if they need to go to the doctor. Reprocessing some of the most traumatic experiences can help give you some space between the situation and your reaction. Rather, you may stay curious about their experience and realize there was a stomach bug going around the classroom and your child is experiencing the same symptoms as some of the other children. When we are able to regulate our emotions and reactions (not perfectly, of course!), this helps us remain open, compassionate, and connected with our child.
If you’re interested in learning more about EMDR Therapy, please contact us today at 720-856-0400 or info@integratedbhs.com. You can also visit our therapist page to learn more about the therapists who implement EMDR Therapy.
Additional Resources:
- EMDR International Association: https://www.emdria.org/
- The National Child Traumatic Stress Network: https://www.nctsn.org/