The $$$$ Hike (Or: Why I'm Not a Stuffy Expert)
Picture this: It’s a beautiful Colorado fall day. The aspens are turning gold, the air is crisp, and I—the professional psychologist—have a lovely vision of a family hike.
My 17-year-old stepson is in. My 15-year-old stepson? Not so much.
So, I do what any “rational” adult would do: I offer him a very generous amount of money to come on the hike. My 17-year-old immediately looks at me and says, “Are you serious? Is this a legit parenting strategy? Would you tell a client to pay their kid to hike?”
I had to laugh, because he was right. According to the “parenting blogs” and the “experts” on Instagram, I was probably destroying his intrinsic motivation. But in the reality of my kitchen, I just wanted everyone to see the trees.
That moment is exactly why I’m starting this podcast.
1. Silencing the "Perfect Parenting" Noice
There is so much noise out there telling us we aren’t doing it right. If we aren’t perfectly regulated, validating every emotion, and responding with zen-like calm, we feel like we’re failing.
But here is the truth: Stuffy expertise doesn’t always work in real life. On Kids These Days, we are moving away from the “Stuffy Expert” persona. While I am a psychologist and parenting therapist, you are the expert on your child. What works for one family won’t work for another, and our mission is simple: to help you move from Overwhelmed to Attuned.
2. The Power of the Parenting U-Turn
One of my favorite tools—and one we will talk about a lot on this show—is the Parenting U-Turn. When we get triggered (like when a 4-year-old refuses to put on shoes or a teenager questions our career choices), our instinct is to focus outward on the “bad behavior.” The U-Turn asks us to look inward instead.
Why is this so activating for me right now?
Is this about a loss of control?
Am I just exhausted and overextended?
Healing ourselves isn’t about becoming perfect; it’s about clearing the internal chaos so we can finally hear our own intuition over the noise of the world.
3. Aiming for the "10 Percent"
If you can respond from a place of calm and attunement 10% or 20% of the time, you are doing a phenomenal job.
Parenting isn’t a performance; it’s a practice of repair. We are going to act like teenagers sometimes. We are going to want to leave the dishes in the sink. We are going to offer money for hikes. And that is okay.
The foundation of our families isn’t found in a strategy—it’s found in the love and connection that exists underneath the noise.
“You don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent. We are all learning how to raise kids these days.” — Dr. Courtney
A Note on the Music...
If you listen to the intro and outro music of this show, you’re hearing something very special. It was recorded by my partner and stepsons when they were in elementary school. I actually offered them money to record “new, professional” music for the launch, but they didn’t do it (shocker!).
So, we used the old recording. Every time I hear it, I get a little teary. It’s a perfect reminder that the “imperfect” moments from years ago are often the ones that matter most today.
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Ready to move from Overwhelmed to Attuned? Subscribe today and let’s start the journey together.